How to Choose the Right Guardian for Your Children in North Carolina: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents
Choosing a guardian for your children is one of the most important—and emotionally charged—decisions you’ll make as a parent. It’s not just about legal paperwork; it’s about ensuring your children are raised by someone who shares your values, your parenting style, and your hopes for their future. In North Carolina, failing to name a legal guardian can leave that decision in the hands of a judge who doesn't know your family. This blog will walk you through how to make this choice with clarity and confidence—so you can rest easier knowing your children are protected, no matter what the future holds.
The Unthinkable Drive Home
It was supposed to be a normal Friday night. Megan and Chris were driving home from a date night while their two young daughters were at home with a babysitter. They were just a few miles from their house in Garner when a distracted driver ran a red light. The accident was fatal.
In the aftermath, their extended family was overwhelmed—emotionally and legally. No one knew what Megan and Chris wanted for their daughters. They had talked about guardianship but never made it official. Two relatives from different sides of the family both stepped forward, each thinking they were doing the right thing. Meanwhile, Child Protective Services had no choice but to temporarily place the girls in emergency foster care.
This story is fictional—but the situation is painfully real. As an estate planning attorney in North Carolina, I’ve seen cases like this more often than you’d think. The heartbreaking truth is that many loving, proactive parents haven’t legally named a guardian for their children. And without a plan, a court—not you—will decide who raises your kids.
When You Became a Parent, Everything Changed
When you became a parent, your world shifted. Suddenly, every decision—big or small—was made with your child’s well-being in mind. You chose the safest car seat, the best pediatrician, the right preschool. But many parents overlook one of the most important decisions of all: who would care for your children if you couldn’t? It’s not a pleasant question, but it’s one that loving, proactive parents can’t afford to ignore. Creating a guardianship plan isn’t about giving in to fear—it’s about stepping up with love, clarity, and wisdom to protect your child’s future.
What’s at Stake When You Don’t Name a Guardian?
Let’s be clear: if you don’t legally name a guardian, you’re leaving your children vulnerable. You might assume that a family member will step in. You might think your best friend would raise your kids if anything happened. But if it’s not in writing, those assumptions don’t matter.
Here’s what can happen in North Carolina if no guardian is named:
Immediate uncertainty and delays. Law enforcement or CPS must place children somewhere safe—often temporarily with strangers.
Family conflict. Relatives may argue over who should raise the children, leading to lengthy court battles.
A judge decides. And that judge doesn’t know your values, your child’s personality, or your family history.
By not creating a legal back-up plan, you risk confusion, conflict, and trauma for the people you love most.
The Psychology Behind Putting It Off
Let’s be honest: no one wants to imagine a world where they’re not there for their children. It’s emotionally uncomfortable. That’s why even the most organized, loving parents often delay creating a guardianship plan. They tell themselves, “I’ll get to it when life calms down,” or “We’re still deciding who we’d choose.” Months—and sometimes years—go by without action.
But the truth is, avoiding the conversation doesn’t protect your children. It just leaves them more vulnerable.
Procrastination in this area isn’t laziness—it’s fear. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of confronting our own mortality. Fear of starting a legal process that feels overwhelming. I understand those fears. Every parent does.
But here’s the shift: you don’t need to have all the answers to take the first step. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be willing.
When you choose to create a guardianship plan, you’re stepping into your role as the protector—the guide, the advocate, the steady hand in an uncertain world. You’re writing your family’s story with courage, even if you hope the chapter you’re planning for never has to be read.
You’re not doing this because something will happen to you. You’re doing it so that if the unthinkable ever does happen, your children won’t face it alone.
How Smart Parents Create a Guardian Plan That Works
Let’s walk through the exact steps I recommend to every parent I work with.
1. Identify the Qualities That Matter Most
Think about the people in your life who share your values and parenting style. Ask yourself:
Who is emotionally and physically capable of raising your child?
Who would love and support your child unconditionally?
Who would respect your wishes about education, religion, and lifestyle?
Don’t feel pressured to choose a relative if that person doesn’t meet your standards.
Sarah’s Story:
One client of mine, Sarah, initially planned to name her brother and his wife. But during our planning, she realized they had vastly different beliefs and a chaotic home life. Instead, she chose a close family friend—someone her children already knew and trusted. “It just felt right,” she said afterward. “I could breathe easier knowing I made that choice with intention.”
2. Think Beyond One Person: Name Back-Ups
Life changes. People move, relationships shift, and circumstances evolve. That’s why I advise every client to name at least two alternate guardians.
Imagine this scenario: You name your sister as guardian, but she develops a chronic illness five years later and can’t take on the responsibility. Without a back-up, your children are left in legal limbo again.
3. Consider Where and How Your Child Would Live
Would your child have to move states? Change schools? Adjust to a completely different lifestyle?
While no transition will be perfect, it’s wise to choose someone who can provide as much stability as possible. This is especially important for children with special needs or those deeply rooted in your local community.
4. Avoid the “Default to Sibling” Trap
It’s natural to consider your sibling first. But just because you’re related doesn’t mean they’re the right fit. Be honest about whether they have the time, temperament, and resources to parent your child.
Ask yourself: Would I want my child raised in their household, under their values, with their daily routines?
If the answer is “not really,” keep looking.
5. Make It Legal in North Carolina
Simply telling someone “you’ll be the guardian” is not enough. You need to document your wishes in a legally binding estate plan that includes:
A last will and testament naming guardians for minor children
Temporary guardianship forms (for emergencies)
Powers of attorney and healthcare directives for yourself
A trust, if you want to control how your child’s inheritance is managed
North Carolina law honors your guardianship nominations, but only if they’re done properly. That’s where I come in—to make sure it’s done the right way.
What Happens If You Do Nothing?
Another family I worked with—let’s call them the Johnsons—had three children and never formalized their guardianship wishes. The husband tragically died in a boating accident. The wife, who survived with serious injuries, realized they’d never named a guardian for their children. She was facing a long recovery and had no clear plan in place.
In the midst of her physical pain, she had to deal with emergency petitions, court hearings, and panic about her children’s future. Thankfully, we were able to quickly establish temporary guardianship and finalize the plan later—but it was a wake-up call she wishes she hadn’t needed.
How to Have “The Guardian Talk” With Your Spouse
Many couples avoid this conversation because they can’t agree on a guardian. One wants their sibling; the other wants their best friend. Here’s my advice:
List your top candidates separately.
Discuss what’s most important to each of you.
Use your child’s needs as the tie-breaker.
Often, compromise means choosing someone neither of you initially suggested—but who is ultimately the best fit.
Bonus Protection: Emergency Guardianship
Let’s say you’re in a car accident and unconscious for 48 hours. Your long-term guardian lives across the country. Who’s taking care of your kids tonight?
That’s why I help families create short-term emergency guardianship documents—so local friends or neighbors you trust can step in immediately with legal authority until your permanent guardian arrives.
Why Planning Now Is a Gift to Your Children
Creating a guardianship plan is not about fear. It’s about love.
It’s about showing up for your children in the most selfless, courageous way possible—by preparing for their future, even if you can’t be there in person.
You Deserve Peace of Mind—and So Do Your Kids
You’ve done so much to build a life you’re proud of. Now it’s time to protect the people you love most.
If you're a parent in Garner, NC—or anywhere in North Carolina—I’d be honored to help you create a guardian plan that reflects your values, your wishes, and your heart.
Let’s give your kids the security they deserve.
Let’s Build Your Plan Together
📞 Call my office today at (919) 336-4219 to schedule a Discovery Call to see how I can help you get a guardian plan in place.
Or, you can click the below link to schedule your Discovery Call Meeting:
